i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
