i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
