is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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