oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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