He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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