You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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