He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
