ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
