Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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