he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
