He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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