remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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