I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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