You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
