he wants to bone in the snuggie
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
