just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize