It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
