I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
