I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
