Is it because I queefed?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
