moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
