What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
