I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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