You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
