Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
