Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
