K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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