you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
