Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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