You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
