I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
