I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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