saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize