Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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