your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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