the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
two words...techno handjob
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
