I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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