My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
