It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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