It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
