how can u be prego again
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
