It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
