The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ttyl tear gas
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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