My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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