He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am full of burrito and curiosity
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
