chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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