I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
pop tarts are not kleenex
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
