Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
