She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
