Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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