oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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