dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
