The maid of honor just puked.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
