A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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