I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
