a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
