i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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