last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
