Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
