Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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