I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
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I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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