Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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