i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
