Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
