I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize