The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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