theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
