I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize