Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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