I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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